You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
