Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It was confusing and full of hummus
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
