if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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