Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
