When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
