His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
