Whod you bang
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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