I hate your face
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
