Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
