I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
