I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
