why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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