Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
