please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
