kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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