Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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