Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
