we have officially lost it.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
