Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
