I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
