tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
