whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dignity is for republicans.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
