Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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