Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
