Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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