you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
