I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
