I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
