Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
