the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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