Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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