he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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