I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
