I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
