Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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