I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
