I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
