I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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