i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
