Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
and eventually we just all took our pants off
And then he peed in my hair
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