then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
