that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
