I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
