Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
