Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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