nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
