I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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