Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
