I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
