i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
