kristin has been a bad kristin
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
