I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
