the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
