based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
tell me about the fingering
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