i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
