Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize