Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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