Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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