this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
