Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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