Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
