At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
