so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
