dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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