from now on my penis is your penis
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
