you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
