This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
