They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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