oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
