I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
