I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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