i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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