dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
