2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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