Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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