In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
