had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
